Does anybody feel like a modern day Pharisee?
Jul 28, 2014 9:49:49 GMT -7
Post by Akua on Jul 28, 2014 9:49:49 GMT -7
I know I do, a lot of the time.
Trying to live out my faith and being afraid that it's just for show... like I can't even trust myself to be genuine with why I'm sharing bible verses on twitter or positive statuses on Facebook. We live in such a world where everything is about the edification & glory of self, and I can fully admit that I feel like some of my Christian walk is centered around that very phenomenon. I like people thinking that I'm a kind Christian girl, and I like people understanding that I do try pretty hard to give up myself and my whims to take up the cross, and I like people knowing that I refrain from certain practices and (attempt!!) to hold my tongue back..... because I've been saved by this wonderful man called Christ, of course. Does that make me a pharisee at heart? Is there anything wrong with enjoying "keeping up appearances" for Jesus? (Sidenote: Did anybody ever watch that old show, "Keeping up Appearances" on PBS? Focused around an older lady whose last name was 'Bucket' but she insisted it was pronounced 'Bouquet?! The show was bougieee but fantastic!)
Thinking of yourself as a modern day Pharisee is scary, to be honest. And because I often feel like this hypocritical archetype, one who is all about the show and the self-glorification, I actively refrain from broadcasting my faith because I feel like I can't completely trust myself in saying that my motives are all for Christ and not fr myself. Knowing myself and knowing where I've come from, I have this recurrent fear that when I do share my testimony on Facebook or tweet a few Bible verses or devotional quotes on twitter, people are going to see me and my me-ness and not my Author and my Creator... and that is just not a good feeling to have. So then I'm left wondering... how can I share the Good News without putting the spotlight on myself? If you people know in me in real life, you know my diva-ness and you know my.... "spunk" hahahaha! I'm the girl who is always dancing the craziest on the dance-floor and harmonizing the loudest at the karaoke bar... (...Killing Me Softly anybody? No? ok...) And to think that I, subconsciously or otherwise, could be using the Gospel as fodder for self-righteousness, is an awful burden to carry. I kind of remind myself of an unreliable narrator, just so steeped in sin that I can't trust myself or my human motives to be proclaiming the love of Christ for the right reasons.
I think that some people call this kind of behavior scrupulosity, and by the grace of God, I'm not to that stage yet. But this fear of fake-ness, of Pharisaical behavior, is a little crippling. It's definitely not as bad as it used to be (in the past, I wouldn't even be able to pray because I'm all about #realtalk {....where is Obarima when I need him? monkeyandbananas, steph}, and I didn't think I was being genuine with myself & why I claimed to love Christ), but every so often it creeps up and holds me back. To be honest, I do think that it's good that I at least recognize that me liking to be seen as a "good Christian girl" may have notes of some Pharisee-like tendencies. I think that introspect is always a good thing, and I'm glad that I can be able to admit my zillion and one faults (by the way, exaggeration is only one of them!! But for me, I think that feeling disingenuous in this type of way is one of the biggest ways that satan holds me back, and I want to definitively break free from these chains. If the devil ever needed a way to stop young people from preaching this crazy concept of Jesus saving us from ourselves, I think it would be in methods like this, in making us feel fake and shallow and wrong in everything that we do. The enemy is at work.
I have nothing to boast about (if you guys could see my past.... )- but Christ! I KNOW that I was a wretched person and I KNOW that Jesus gave it all for me, in spite of me, but hmmm... I ask the Holy Spirit to work on me in this manner! I pray that I gain confidence in the Spirit of Christ, and that I don't let my self-doubt get in the way of being a beacon for the One who saved me. I also pray that I am able to give grace a try and trust in God even when I don't trust in myself, because oooo chile, it's a long road ahead! But to quote a good Texan friend of mine, (#howdy) "Jesus got my back!"
To wrap this up (yo, yo, yo? .....nevermind, I see your judgment ....), I want to again quote an up-and-coming pastor & good friend (actually shout-out to both of the Twumasi brothers and their incredible mission work!).... "No matter what we do, our righteousness is like ropes of sand". I love that imagery because it is just.so.great. Whatever we do can't even begin to compare to what God has done for all of our lives! We can only be confident that He will continue to perform this good and righteous work until the day of Jesus Christ (Philippians 1:6) and that is inexorably incredible. I am going to keep praying for strength and realness, and I'm GLAD that I could get some of these burgeoning thoughts in my mind out into words, and I hope that if you or someone you know ever feels this way, just know that you're not alone and that God is bigger than our self-doubt and our sometimes Pharisaical behavior.
Thank you all for reading and stay blessed.
Trying to live out my faith and being afraid that it's just for show... like I can't even trust myself to be genuine with why I'm sharing bible verses on twitter or positive statuses on Facebook. We live in such a world where everything is about the edification & glory of self, and I can fully admit that I feel like some of my Christian walk is centered around that very phenomenon. I like people thinking that I'm a kind Christian girl, and I like people understanding that I do try pretty hard to give up myself and my whims to take up the cross, and I like people knowing that I refrain from certain practices and (attempt!!) to hold my tongue back..... because I've been saved by this wonderful man called Christ, of course. Does that make me a pharisee at heart? Is there anything wrong with enjoying "keeping up appearances" for Jesus? (Sidenote: Did anybody ever watch that old show, "Keeping up Appearances" on PBS? Focused around an older lady whose last name was 'Bucket' but she insisted it was pronounced 'Bouquet?! The show was bougieee but fantastic!)
Thinking of yourself as a modern day Pharisee is scary, to be honest. And because I often feel like this hypocritical archetype, one who is all about the show and the self-glorification, I actively refrain from broadcasting my faith because I feel like I can't completely trust myself in saying that my motives are all for Christ and not fr myself. Knowing myself and knowing where I've come from, I have this recurrent fear that when I do share my testimony on Facebook or tweet a few Bible verses or devotional quotes on twitter, people are going to see me and my me-ness and not my Author and my Creator... and that is just not a good feeling to have. So then I'm left wondering... how can I share the Good News without putting the spotlight on myself? If you people know in me in real life, you know my diva-ness and you know my.... "spunk" hahahaha! I'm the girl who is always dancing the craziest on the dance-floor and harmonizing the loudest at the karaoke bar... (...Killing Me Softly anybody? No? ok...) And to think that I, subconsciously or otherwise, could be using the Gospel as fodder for self-righteousness, is an awful burden to carry. I kind of remind myself of an unreliable narrator, just so steeped in sin that I can't trust myself or my human motives to be proclaiming the love of Christ for the right reasons.
I think that some people call this kind of behavior scrupulosity, and by the grace of God, I'm not to that stage yet. But this fear of fake-ness, of Pharisaical behavior, is a little crippling. It's definitely not as bad as it used to be (in the past, I wouldn't even be able to pray because I'm all about #realtalk {....where is Obarima when I need him? monkeyandbananas, steph}, and I didn't think I was being genuine with myself & why I claimed to love Christ), but every so often it creeps up and holds me back. To be honest, I do think that it's good that I at least recognize that me liking to be seen as a "good Christian girl" may have notes of some Pharisee-like tendencies. I think that introspect is always a good thing, and I'm glad that I can be able to admit my zillion and one faults (by the way, exaggeration is only one of them!! But for me, I think that feeling disingenuous in this type of way is one of the biggest ways that satan holds me back, and I want to definitively break free from these chains. If the devil ever needed a way to stop young people from preaching this crazy concept of Jesus saving us from ourselves, I think it would be in methods like this, in making us feel fake and shallow and wrong in everything that we do. The enemy is at work.
I have nothing to boast about (if you guys could see my past.... )- but Christ! I KNOW that I was a wretched person and I KNOW that Jesus gave it all for me, in spite of me, but hmmm... I ask the Holy Spirit to work on me in this manner! I pray that I gain confidence in the Spirit of Christ, and that I don't let my self-doubt get in the way of being a beacon for the One who saved me. I also pray that I am able to give grace a try and trust in God even when I don't trust in myself, because oooo chile, it's a long road ahead! But to quote a good Texan friend of mine, (#howdy) "Jesus got my back!"
To wrap this up (yo, yo, yo? .....nevermind, I see your judgment ....), I want to again quote an up-and-coming pastor & good friend (actually shout-out to both of the Twumasi brothers and their incredible mission work!).... "No matter what we do, our righteousness is like ropes of sand". I love that imagery because it is just.so.great. Whatever we do can't even begin to compare to what God has done for all of our lives! We can only be confident that He will continue to perform this good and righteous work until the day of Jesus Christ (Philippians 1:6) and that is inexorably incredible. I am going to keep praying for strength and realness, and I'm GLAD that I could get some of these burgeoning thoughts in my mind out into words, and I hope that if you or someone you know ever feels this way, just know that you're not alone and that God is bigger than our self-doubt and our sometimes Pharisaical behavior.
Thank you all for reading and stay blessed.