Relationship Issues!
Dec 29, 2014 12:18:48 GMT -7
Post by Akua on Dec 29, 2014 12:18:48 GMT -7
I've talked to quite a few girls about the struggles that they've faced with relationships. With their permission, I'm going to post some of the (anonymous) transcripts of the messages here:
I'm the anon who asked about self-love. Thank you for answering my question! I see you understand my dilemma I feel selfish for thinking or talking about it because I realize I might be looking for acceptance in the wrong places for the wrong reasons. But it hurts when the guy you like won't even look you in the eye for 2 seconds. Or when you try to make friends and they leave you out. I'm trying to work on myself and my relationship with God.
It's lovely to meet you!
I feel you 1000%. I actively seek out guys' attentions (that are often not reciprocated). I adjust my personality so that more people like me (and subsequently not invite me places). When I say that I feel you, I feel you.
And I don't have this whole thing figured out yet, either.
It's been a long path of feeling bad for not loving myself the way that God does to loving myself and the attention that I got from guys and from friends so much that I forgot to love (or talk to) God at all. It's a terrible and confusing dichotomy to be stuck in, and I'm sorry that you're experiencing all of this.
But you've acknowledged it. And you've said it aloud. You are struggling with self-love. And in a world like this, such thoughts are normal. It makes so much sense to want guys to pay attention to you or want friends to not leave you out. It makes sense to want to feel like you're beautiful and feel like you can be accepted. And it's so easy to feel like you're too far from these ideals to ever be loved or to ever be desired.
My, my, my- what a twisted web we humans weave. We're so good at projecting these impossible images of who we want to be, and then beating ourselves up when we can't achieve these things. For me, I wanted to be that beautiful and confident and self-assured vixen type woman that I've seen in so many archetypes. Why was it so easy for people like Olivia Pope (Scandal reference!!!) to be so put together while I was still over here struggling with stupid things that I never seemed to get right.
So I worried. And I planned. And I thought- hey, maybe I'll love myself if I get a makeover! Even though I felt like I looked much better (surprise, surprise!), I didn't feel much better. I still didn't see much worth, I still didn't see much value.
Until one day, I decided that I was done. Not necessarily because I was strong enough, wise enough, or intelligent enough to realize the consequences of my self-destructive behavior. It was honestly just because I was tired of beating myself up for not being ~that perfect lady~. I was tired and exhausted and I just wanted to do something else with my time. Not the noblest of moves, but I can't say that it didn't work.
There's something so freeing of letting go of that control and letting be. We humans are so good trying to reign in situations and make sure that we are on top of things at all times, but Jesus has already declared that you have been set free! How can we all be so wrapped up and invested in our looks and our charm when we've been offered the gift of life?
I just want you to let it go, girl. Set yourself free from your expectations and this world's beauty standards
If a guy doesn't look at you for more than 2 seconds, respect that and kick him to the curb. You're too precious to spend your time/energy/value on somebody who can't appreciate you like the gem that you are. This isn't to say that this guy isn't a good person, but that you're at two different places in your growths, and that's okay.
If people aren't being considerate friends to you, let them go! You've got greatness for your future, not hangups about how flaky your friends are being to you.
Though I know that these statements may seem a little harsh, I also know that you are a daughter of the most triumphant King. And the world must never dull your shine. Strengthen your relationship with God with just allowing Him to love you fully. Let it go and just trust in whatever He says He will do. For the author of love Himself is right there with you.
Thanks for this message, and please message back with any follow-ups if you have them!
-31Women (Akua)